Adoption Education

T and I attended the first of the many education classes required to be able to adopt in our state. It was a long day, and an emotional one.

About 30, maybe more, people attended. Some couples with biological children, but most not. Some couples who chose adoption as the first and only step, but most not. It was reassuring, in a way, to be in a room filled with people who have some idea what we have been going through. A better idea than do we, even - many of them have progressed much further in fertility treatments.

Between lecture, small group discussions, videos, and presentations from adoptive parents, the day was emotionally exhausting. We heard from a married couple and a birthmother about their open adoption experience -- how and why she chose the couple, how they negotiated the openness. Of course, the agency put on the most ideal example. They have such a warm and open and caring relationship; the seven year old daughter even attended her birthmother's wedding last year. I think if everyone could be assured of having this kind of experience, adoption wouldn't be nearly so scary.

I also got a chance to speak with them further over lunch. The adoptive mother answered a question someone had by mentioning, in the course of her answer, "I know I am her mother." I asked the birthmother whether that was hard to hear. Not at all, she replied. "I knew this was their baby. It was like I was carrying her for them."

Of course, it was not all sunshine and roses. Part of the education was to talk about risk factors - the possibility of fetal alcohol exposure, drug exposure, unknown health problems, mental issues. It was an honest and tough look - and only the first of many classes.

What was most interesting to me was T's reaction at the end of the day. He is still on the fence, more so than I, about adoption. But something about the day's discussions flipped a switch in him. I have traditionally been fairly open about our fertility struggles, whereas T has told no one. But that evening, in a group of friends, while I had stepped away no less, T opened up and shared his story. I was stunned.

We have a lot to think about.