Back in the Stirrups Again

There's that old saying about doing the same thing, over and over, and expecting different results this time as a sign of insanity.... I found myself with my feet up in the stirrups over the past two days for yet another IUI, hoping again that I'll defy the 3% success rate odds.

In June, my entire treatment cycle was canceled because the Clomid caused me to develop ovarian cysts. I couldn't start Clomid in July, though, because I was traveling when I needed to visit the clinic for a diagnostic ultrasound. Clomid would have doubled my success rate odds to a whopping 6%. Alas.

I like to describe an IUI (intrauterine insemination) as the "medical equivalent of using a turkey baster." The clinic processes a semen sample, washing it to select only the best and brightest sperm, and somehow "waking up" the sluggish ones. Then, my feet up in the stirrups, my ass all but hanging off the end of the table, naked from the waist down, the technician inserts a catheter into my cervix. Through the catheter, the sperm are deposited directly into the uterus, apparently so that they have less of a chance to get lost and don't have as far to swim. Wait. I thought these were the best and brightest. Apparently, lazy, too.

In my experience, the pain can fall anywhere in the range from, "Wait, you're done? I didn't know you started," to, "F@s#$, I'm going to kick you in the face!" Yesterday's IUI fell squarely on the painful end of that spectrum. Normally, when there's pain, it's more like menstrual cramping, but only when the catheter is inserted. Yesterday, the pain got increasingly worse as the technician worked - and it did not end when she took everything out. I lay on the table, with one hand over my eyes and the other gripping my husband's hand, white with pain. Even after 20 minutes, I was scared to get up because I thought I might pass out or vomit. When I did get off the table and went into the bathroom, I saw that my face was pale as a sheet.

The next morning, of course, I was fearful, knowing I'd have the same technician. The wait seemed eternal; as compared to 1 1/2 hours from start to finish yesterday, the whole process today took 3 1/2 hours. There was no apparent reason for the delay. Luckily, today's procedure went a million times more smoothly. Only some slight cramping when the catheter was inserted, and it stopped within a minute.

So here I am, in another two week wait. Hoping that this time, the outcome will be different.